Fortunately, Unfortunately

[Ryccia]

Fortunately, the boxes are benevolent rulers who absolutely adore us

 

[Katie]

Unfortunately, they are taken over by the Universal Church of Truth

 

[Ryccia]

Fortunately, the Church is even more benevolent than the boxes

 

[Katie]

Unfortunately, you don't know Marvel lore and so the whole story collapses.

 

[Ryccia]

Fortunately, the very fact that I have no idea on that validates the story as a good one for humans

 

[Fauxia]

Unfortunately, the story really makes no sense anymore, and as a bonus is pushing that fourth wall

 

[Amerion]

Fortunately, we can restart the story

 

[Atlantica]

Unfortunately, a nuclear reactor accident worse than Chernobyl and Fukushima Daiichi combined struck the Jovian Socialist Republics' colony on Ganymede

 

[Amerion]

*Fortunately, they had all evacuated. Only the children were left*

 

[Atlantica]

*Unfortunately, the children developed a mental illness that caused them to start a Shamanic cult*

 

[Amerion]

*Fortunately, they appointed Amerion as their God*

 

[Katie]

*Unfortunately, unbeknownst to everyone else, Amerion was secretly a horrible rapist murder paedophile and brainwashed the children into willingly killing themselves by jumping into the volcanoes of Io*

 

[Fauxia]

Fortunately, evil god Amerion was pushed into a volcano by a good young boy named Billy Bob Joe.

 

[Atlantica]

*Unfortunately, Billy Bob Joe started a cult himself*

 

[Fauxia]

Fortunately, the cult was benevolent and spent its days giving people free food.

 

[Amerion]

*Unfortunately, that free food was several decades past its expiration date*

 

[Fauxia]

*Fortunately. billy Bob Joe's cult distributed a very effective and safe food poisoning antidote to all those affected*

 

[Amerion]

*Unfortunately the babies could not shallow the antidote pills*

 

[Katie]

*Fortunately, it had an injectable form*

 

[Fauxia]

*Unfortunately, the injectable form was 100% less effective for weird sciency-wiency reasons.*