Fortunately, Unfortunately

[Amerion]

*Fortunately, they appointed Amerion as their God*

[Katie]

*Unfortunately, unbeknownst to everyone else, Amerion was secretly a horrible rapist murder paedophile and brainwashed the children into willingly killing themselves by jumping into the volcanoes of Io*

[Fauxia]

Fortunately, evil god Amerion was pushed into a volcano by a good young boy named Billy Bob Joe.

[Atlantica]

*Unfortunately, Billy Bob Joe started a cult himself*

[Fauxia]

Fortunately, the cult was benevolent and spent its days giving people free food.

[Amerion]

*Unfortunately, that free food was several decades past its expiration date*

[Fauxia]

*Fortunately. billy Bob Joe’s cult distributed a very effective and safe food poisoning antidote to all those affected*

[Amerion]

*Unfortunately the babies could not shallow the antidote pills*

[Katie]

*Fortunately, it had an injectable form*

[Fauxia]

*Unfortunately, the injectable form was 100% less effective for weird sciency-wiency reasons.*