CAIN Condemned By General Assembly Following SC Frustrations

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CAIN Condemned By General Assembly Following SC Frustrations
Tweet Topic Started: Feb 13 2017, 05:43 AM (107 Views)
Ike	Feb 13 2017, 05:43 AM Post #1
Minnowite Socialist Posts: 458 Group: Accused Member #43 Joined: Apr 11, 2015 Alignment Neutral Good Military Stance Defender Political Views Social Democrat Nation in Lazarus Ikania	The Official Newspaper of Lazarus February 13th, 2017 CAIN Condemned By General Assembly Following SC Frustrations By Ike and Sygian Depicted: The state of the GA headquarters following the vote to condemn CAIN THE HEADQUARTERS OF THE WORLD ASSEMBLY were in turmoil today, as various Delegates clashed with words, wit and airborne vegetables.The General Assembly voted to pass a resolution condemning the Coalition Against the Ideology of Nazism, following two futile attempts within the Security Council. The votes have been claimed by resolution writer Aimdar-Goomdar (aka La Navasse, famed Dank Memes proprietor) to be rigged by the superdelegates of the World Assembly. “He really doesn’t know when to stop,” claims World Assembly ‘superdelegate’ of The West Pacific, Big Bad Badger. “It’s about time someone put him in his place.” Following severe amounts of shade being thrown at Aimdar-Goomdar while the third proposal was in its drafting stage, Goomdar decided to leave it up to the roleplayers of the General Assembly to decide the fate of CAIN. A source from within the shadowy cabal that produced the resolution, who wished to remain anonymous, told the Gazette that “it’s time to make the CAIN pay for their crimes against the world”. When asked for elaboration, he scurried off into the darkness, leaving it a mystery as to what crimes CAIN has purportedly committed, and what offenses they carried out against the authors. One trustworthy member of the inner circle was found with a knife in her back, stuffed in a bush outside the GA headquarters this Tuesday, on the morning we were scheduled for an interview. “Condemn the CAIN” was filed under the ‘Human Rights’ category in the GA, described as having a ‘Strong’ effect. The first of many scuffles broke out when a group of Delegates became embroiled in a brawl with another over how strong the resolution should have been listed as. Several were sent home with broken bones and hurt feelings. The resolution was passed near midnight on the 13th of February, after lengthy debate and a record-shattering forty-eight fistfights breaking out on the Assembly floor. Among them was devout francoist Neo Kervoskia, well feared boogeyman and Pharaoh of Osiris. “It was uh, it was gettin’ pretty brutal in there and uh… well, us feederites had an effortless battle against the userite filth, thanks to the 2754 endorsements behind us. I think I am starting to understand why this Goomdar feller is constantly whinin’ about superdelegates.” Sadly, the Pharaoh was in a hurry to meet with “Good Ol’ Boy” Syberis, Crown Prince of Osiris, to discuss their plans to suppress the progressing userite revolution. They were later spotted in the streets of the capital city, driving around in a pickup truck and shouting drunken chants about the south rising again. The vote finally occurred just minutes before Delegates were due to go home after a long day of enforcing bureaucracy. With a final tally of 6345 in favor, and 5497 against, the bill finally passed. Asked over a lunchtime meeting the following day, the author simply stated: “Third time’s a charm.” Goomdar, spotted at the podium in the GA flailing his arms wildly and speaking in a thick Brooklyn accent about a need to take on the SC establishment, made an impassioned presentation of his resolution, calling for the Assembly to take on CAIN and “break up the big coalitions”. His populist ramblings, as wild as his hair, was halted by the official General Assembly Seventh Inning Stretch, which devolved into chaos after attempting to relieve Delegates from the stress of their jobs. The Empire, a doo-wop quartet that originated in The East Pacific, had a booking for 7:00. They performed a number of songs including “Raid By Me”, “Take Me Out To The Mall Game”, “Runaround Coup” and their chart-topping hit “Why Do Whales Fall In Love”. In the middle of performing their single “Heartaches by the Order”, a crowd of raucous Delegates attending the show also broke into yet another scuffle about who had superior creative talent between the representatives from Balder and the Pacific. Fighting was quickly broken up by moderators, who applied vigorously the rolled-up newspapers and let them off only with warnings. The bill passed regardless, and when sent to Secretary-General Misley for approval, he shrugged with indifference as his automatic signature machine put the new law into effect. A repeal of the condemnation has been scheduled to grace the floor of the Assembly next week. Violet only knows what hell there is in store for the poor Delegates. Edited by Ike, Feb 13 2017, 10:17 PM.



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