Lazarus At War

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Lazarus At War; All sides mobilize armies as talks collapse
Tweet Topic Started: Sep 20 2016, 10:53 PM (158 Views)
Ike	Sep 20 2016, 10:53 PM Post #1
Minnowite Socialist Posts: 458 Group: Accused Member #43 Joined: Apr 11, 2015 Alignment Neutral Good Military Stance Defender Political Views Social Democrat Nation in Lazarus Ikania	LAZARUS AT WAR ALL SIDES MOBILIZE ARMIES AS TALKS COLLAPSE THE BATTLE FOR LAZARUS HAS BEGUN, in earnest, as the key powers of the region march their armies to the front, each predicting a short conflict so they’ll be home in time for Christmas. The conflict began with a leadership challenge to incumbent Sovereign Andrew Anumia, who took power after the remarkable disappearance of his predecessor, Starberries, whom no one suspects was kidnapped by Loftegen and stuffed into the back of a van. His leadership was soon challenged by prominent figure Benevolent Thomas, the commander of the Order of the Grey Wardens. Also claiming the throne by right is previous Sovereign Loftegen, who was reportedly discontent with the boredom of his frozen palace in the north. Multilateral diplomacy failed, as attempts to bring the three sides to the table were quashed in favor of military resolution. Thomas returned to Warden territory to rally his troops, and came storming into Lazarus with a grand army of cavalry. When spoken to, he expressed his confidence in a victory for his side, and vowed to “crush the darkspawn scum extending their tyranny across Lazarus”. Benevolent Thomas visits the front and speaks with his fellow Wardens. Meanwhile, Andrew Anumia, who still has control of the Emerald City, fortified his positions and doubled down on defense. When asked for comment, he refused the first time, with scattered machine gun fire scaring off our reporter. Bomber planes flew overhead, dropping loads of explosives on the rolling green hills of the Greater Emerald Area's rural outback, where a 'suspiciously disloyal tone' was heard in the mooing of farm cows, according to the regime. The city itself has been placed under martial law, and rations for citizens have been limited to just eighteen pounds of butter per day. Such travesty! A second attempt was made, and after making it past barbed wire and many mines, we were able to get these words out of Andrew: “If those dodgers want the throne, they can bloody well come and take it.” Andrew makes a rare public appearance to rally the Anumian cavalry. While Anumians duke it out with Wardens over the Emerald City, Loftegen and his army have thus far kept quiet, slowly marching in the general direction of the capital, but oftentimes strolling elsewhere. One of our horsebound couriers caught up with the general, who, when questioned on his actual resolve to win the war, had our noble reporter shot by firing squad and buried in an unmarked grave. The squad was later seen in the fields, picking flowers as the entire army shifted course to pursue a herd of cattle northbound. Loftegen inspects his army, reportedly paranoid that they are mice in disguise. Raging conflict over control of Lazarus is bound to continue until at least September 27th, by which point universal law stipulates that whoever is winning the war has, indeed, won the war. All three sides attempted to file protestations with the Bureau of Intergalactic Law, however they were lost among thousands of other complaints from the various planets of the multiverse. So far, no visible gains have been made by either side, as Thomas and the Wardens rally in circles shouting ‘huzzah!’, Loftegen’s army wanders from one valley to the next chasing butterflies, and Andrew quietly eats almonds from the comfort of his bunker. An exciting war, indeed. Only time will tell which one of these bumbling fools will end up in firm control of all Lazarus.



Yuno	Sep 20 2016, 11:11 PM Post #2
Lazarene Posts: 287 Group: Members Member #326 Joined: May 2, 2016 Alignment Lawful Good Military Stance Neutral Political Views Independent Nation in Lazarus Lolita Queen Discord Yuno	lol



Loftegen	Sep 21 2016, 07:21 AM Post #3
Supreme Autocrat Posts: 11,070 Group: Members Member #108 Joined: Apr 23, 2015 Alignment Lawful Good Military Stance Neutral Political Views Independent	Mein Pickelhaube! What a glorious article!



Aguero	Sep 21 2016, 12:01 PM Post #4
Taeyeon's Bae Posts: 1,228 Group: Citizen Member #218 Joined: Oct 31, 2015 Alignment Chaotic Evil Military Stance Mercenary Political Views Independent Nation in Lazarus Caldariat	Nice job!



Kowassati	Sep 21 2016, 03:45 PM Post #5
Jameliscustablet Kenwasadak at your service Posts: 983 Group: Members Member #378 Joined: Jul 19, 2016 Alignment Lawful Good Military Stance Neutral Nation in Lazarus Kowassati Discord Kowassati	I'm still confused, what's happening with the Grey Wardens?



Ike	Sep 23 2016, 01:20 AM Post #6
Minnowite Socialist Posts: 458 Group: Accused Member #43 Joined: Apr 11, 2015 Alignment Neutral Good Military Stance Defender Political Views Social Democrat Nation in Lazarus Ikania	We're not entirely sure, but preliminary reports seem to suggest their horse cavalry are not exhausted in the slightest after days of riding in circles with their blue flags in the air. Cries of "long live Thomas" can still be heard from the hoarse, scratchy throats of his soldiers, and they're about three inches closer to the Emerald City than they were at the start, from our last measurement.



Ike	Sep 27 2016, 12:25 AM Post #7
Minnowite Socialist Posts: 458 Group: Accused Member #43 Joined: Apr 11, 2015 Alignment Neutral Good Military Stance Defender Political Views Social Democrat Nation in Lazarus Ikania	Field report: Heavy shelling has been reported near one of the Loftegenian army camp sites. A field was damaged, and it is reported that Loftegen may sue for compensation. When inquired about the attack, the Anumian army commander apologized for any damage caused, and also said that any enemy soldiers wounded by the artillery were unintentional casualties. I tried to ask, then, why exactly the army was shelling the field in the first place if not to kill enemy soldiers. I was dismissed with a wave of the hand as he retreated back into his underground bomb shelter.



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